Tuesday, April 7, 2009

One good run doesn't make a great race.

That's what one of my friends told me after I gave an evasive answer to a question.
I had joined up with my triathlon training group for a training day for the first time in quite a while. Would they welcome me back? I wasn't sure. I hadn't been training regularly and consistently. Could I keep up? Surprisingly enough I had what I thought was a "good run". Now a good run is like art, it is subjective. What is a good run to me may be considered a waste of time for you. On this particular day it was good because I was able to : run without pain, maintain the pace of my running partner (and talk at the same time) and finish feeling like I had done something good for myself.
So later at lunch, I was asked if I was racing the next weekend or not.I had already registered for the race but had no internal motivation. My reply was, "That is the million dollar question. Maybe I will since I had a good run this morning." What I meant was, I guess I could complete the triathlon. My aerobic ability hadn't deteriorated as much as I had thought.
Fast forward 3 days..... I am scheduled for a mammogram. I go to the appointment with some anxiety because I had discovered SOMETHING that my doctor wanted to have checked out. Three hours later, that star shaped SOMETHING had the radiologist concerned enough to order my previous films for comparison. The following day I am filled with fear and worry. I pray. I ask my friends to pray. I pray and wait and pray some more. Thursday I get the call that I need an MRI it looks like lobular carcinoma. That was the last thing I remember hearing. The rest of it was like the Charlie Brown teacher. WAH Wah WAH WAh wah wahwah
Call the doctor Friday morning to schedule MRI, can't get in for a week. HUH? Doctor calls back, be here Monday morning.
Great! I get to go the entire weekend. Paralyzed with fear. The uncertainty is a killer for a control freak type personality. Is God using this situation to bring me to Him? Don't I get it? He's in control NOT ME!
As my friends and my family pray for this to be only a false test or something normal there is evidence of God everywhere I turn. In phone calls from people letting me know they're thinking of me (how can this be happening, I've only told a few people my dilemna). While at the bike shop, I run into breast cancer survivors I haven't seen in over a year. I have lunch with new friends that surely God has placed in front of me. All the while I am scared. My husband is scared. My children are petrified their mother is going to die.
We go out of town as planned. My daughter is to race on Saturday. I will race on Sunday. My girl is a fierce competitor that usually wins or at the very least places. I asked her just one thing for me. Please race for fun this weekend. Let's race because we CAN. For the moment, we are able, we are strong and God has given us this body. Let's race as a sign of appreciation for all we have. All we have is NOW. Not tomorrow or next week or next year. NOW. She has the best race I've ever seen her have. I somehow win in my age group, completely surprised.
My coach is also someone I consider a friend. Her thoughtful ways and kind thoughts mean more to me than her athletic knowledge and guidance. Another gift from God. She reminded to embrace my race. I embraced the day. So thankful.
I got my MRI done and still had no peace. I am thrilled to say after seeing a surgeon today for a second opinion I am well. I am healthy. I don't have cancer. I don't have a fear that sucks the breath out of my lungs. I don't have a knot in my stomach. I don't have an attitude that says, whatever, there's always tomorrow.
Nope, what there is is NOW. Today and I am thankful for it.
So yes, maybe one good run makes a great race.


  1. Glad to hear all is well. Keep the red headed princess in your prayers. She may have a torn miniscus and she wasn't even running. May have happened during the TIR, but knee has been swollen recently. Will know more with an MRI soon.

    Welcome to the world of Blogging!

  2. Hey girl, I glad everything came out ok. Great job winning your age group! Hope to see you soon!